Fear

Something that terrifies one person is simple and fun for another. We can in no way judge if another person has the right to be afraid.

I knew a guy once who spent a lot of time telling me I was chicken. I didn’t like, and still don’t like, riding horses who were likely to buck. The first ride on any horse is terrifying to me. It didn’t bother him. That meant I was chicken, scared of everything. According to him.

We went to Colorado and rented jeeps to drive the logging trails in the mountains. It was the funnest thing ever. Those tough little jeeps took to the narrow, steep mountain roads like goats. What does that have to do with me being chicken?

That same guy, the self proclaimed brave one, the first time we came out onto a ledge with the mountain going straight up and straight down above and below us, he nearly cried. He wanted to go home. He was determined that he was going to pick the jeep up and turn it around himself since there we no place to turn it around. He was terrified.

Suddenly when it was something that scared him he wasn’t so brave anymore. The rest of us were having a blast and refused to ruin the whole day to take him back to the hotel.

When faced with scary horses I hadn’t cried and begged to go home, but he had still considered me chicken. Just because it wasn’t something he was afraid of.

All things in life get met with this same very personal scale of fear. Our fears are our own, other people can’t judge them. But we also aren’t allowed to judge other peoples phobias.

What does this have to do with horses?

I’m working on those first rides on my young guy. Yes, he has been perfect in every way. But, I have years of experience with horses who weren’t perfect. Of horses who blew up when it seemed like everything should be fine. Of horses who had been ridden without trouble then suddenly found the spot they weren’t fine anymore. The fear has long since been embedded into my mind.

I will go at my own speed. I will face my ow fears. I will not cower in fear on that ledge demanding to be saved, to not have to face the thing. I will face it, but no one else gets to tell me it’s fine. If they do it will be pointless and even counter productive.

This doesn’t change for any one person or any scary thing they are facing with their own horses. No one else can tell them it isn’t scary, that their fears are groundless, that they have to face their fears and get it over with. Fear doesn’t work that way. Forcing someone into a situation that leaves them terrified will make the fear worse, not better.

Far better to back off to the point it isn’t as scary, where it is manageable. Stay there. Work there. Allow ourselves the same grace we should be giving our horses. Once that point of comfort becomes easy to face, then push forward a little farther, just until we are facing our fears, looking them in the eye, but not close enough to touch. Stay there are repeat the same stage, until that gets comfortable. Slow and easy steps like that will build confidence and get us face to face with our fears, allow us to stare them down, far easier than running straight up to them will.